Love Letter

My Dearest husband, XXX,

Asalaam a laikum wrwb,
I hope this letter finds you well and in a moment of peace to absorb the words I am about to share with you.

There are things on my heart that I have been carrying, and I believe it’s time for us to have a conversation about the essence of us. At this point in my life, I’ve transitioned from having expectations to having requirements. I want you to understand that when I entered your life, it wasn’t as the mother of your children but as your wife, ready to share my dreams and build a life with you.

I miss the days when we were not just physically together but mentally and wholeheartedly connected.

I yearn for the moments when we enjoyed being together, spending quality time together, used to sit down to drink tea together (at least most of the time if not all) not just as a routine or chore but as an opportunity to savor the tea and engage in meaningful conversations. The presence of your phone and the media and the people inside it are currently replacing the warmth of our connection. The phone has strongly overcome or defied the very essence of not keeping a television at home.

I yearn for you to look into my eyes and tell me their color.
I long for you to stroke my hair and appreciate the fragrance, even if there’s just a bit left of it now.
I  yearn for you to joke with me, laugh with me. Wallahi I won’t get bored hearing it from you.
We are Muslim women, we don’t get entertained by any other man.

I want you, not to just sleep beside me occupying the space in the bed, turning your head and back against my face, leaning towards your glorious phone BUT RATHER you lie close to my heart, your heart beside mine, your hands around me and those moments of silence will relax me after that long tiring day.

I want you to talk about the serious issues and not-so-serious ones as well. I want to hear the echo of “Baby Doll, I love you”, just the way you did the first time we spoke over the miles and across the sea. (xx years ago).


You never know when the bed beside you will be empty.

As we have trodden on our path for Alham du lillah xx years, I have noticed that you have way forgotten these ways years behind and now we are standing at a point where you JUST consider me as a mother of your children.

It hurts to feel that I am JUST the mother of your children.

Our requirements have become JUST taking care of the bills, non-stop office duties from 6:00am to 2:00 am, children getting to school, their future, their career, their needs, their wedding ………

These endless responsibilities have taken precedence over the dreams, the love, and the moments I came to build mine alongside yours.

I’ve realized that in the midst of fulfilling life’s requirements, we’ve lost touch with the essence of ‘US.’

What happened in the last couple of days was not good. No!!!
I don’t know about you but for sure, I have lost 15 days of my precious life, 360 hours, 21600 minutes, 1.296e+6 seconds and this CANNOT be brushed off, or sidelined. This will have an effect for the rest of my life.

I do understand and so do you, that you are a “5 star” rated in fulfilling your office requirements, and your life is full of requirements.

I want you to know that as I write this I’m not expressing mere needs or requests but FUNDAMENTAL requirements for the health and survival of our relationship. I am your wife, bound to you by the trust witnessed by Allah, affirmed by my parents, and celebrated by those who held “my hand in yours”, (Amma Khaala and Taiymaa, may Allah grant them Jannah) alongside my mother and sisters.

Wallahi, for the rest of my life and hereafter, I want the feeling dominantly in my heart to live and die as your wife.
Please do not let “the mother of your children” dominate me, because in that case you will lose your wife. And I fear that if the role of the mother of your children overshadows that, we risk losing the very foundation of our connection.

I understand the demands of your professional life, and I acknowledge your commitment to meeting those requirements. However, I urge you to also recognize and fulfill the requirements of being MY husband, as only then can I be the mother your children deserve.

This is not a plea; it’s a heartfelt sharing of what I need to thrive in our relationship. I believe we can rediscover the love, laughter, and connection that have sustained us for xx years. Let’s not let time pass by without nurturing what truly matters.
This is a very brief letter to bring to your urgent attention the agony that your allowing to grow over years. We still have a considerable amount of years to share, In sha Allah.

With love,
XXX
Dated: XXX XX, 2023
—————————————————————

The above is a letter from a childhood friend of mine and I know the couple ever since they were engaged. Witnessing the couple over the years, I do have to acknowledge that the husband is more on the tamer side than my own friend. I wouldn’t be doing justice if I didn’t mention this.

DISCLAIMER:
I have been talking to her lately on a matter and she requested me to share the above letter that she wrote to her husband, to all my students, and others in order that we Muslim women can connect ourselves to the realistic challenges we all face in our own marriages and realize that we are not alone.
When I read the letter, many things she stated sure did echo in some way and I’m sure you too can some way or the other connect to her.

My dear sisters, the reality is that marriage is NOT a bed of roses. It sure does come with its tests and trials, whether it is the initial stage of marriage, the middle or the last stage. We all will be challenged!!!

On the other hand truly believing what Allah swt says in the Quran, Surah Ar-Rum, Verse 21, does bring tranquility to the believing hearts.

وَمِنْ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦٓ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَٰجًۭا لِّتَسْكُنُوٓا۟ إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةًۭ وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِى ذَٰلِكَ لَـَٔايَـٰتٍۢ لِّقَوْمٍۢ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ ٢١

“And it is among His signs that He has created for you wives from among yourselves, so that you may find tranquility in them, and He has created love and kindness between you. Surely in this there are signs for a people who reflect” (Surah Ar-Rum, Verse 21)

The point of sharing this letter and writing this post is for all of us to internalize and understand that every woman goes through challenges in her marriage. Some pen it down, some verbalize but others don’t. Just because she is always smiling doesn’t mean everything is great. Behind her profile and status and smiles are hidden tears and an anguished heart.
A heart that only her husband can hear out. Ahhh!, Arent we all BUT untold stories????

We as women, need to prepare ourselves first and simultaneously prepare our younger generation to come outside the realm of wishful thinking that “Marriage is a bed of roses”

This sacred union of marriage is often whitewashed as a one-sided canvas of unending joy and love, whereas in reality, it is a tapestry woven with threads of both delight and challenges.
Within the so-called poetic phrase, “a bed of roses” that we hear very often, that signifies “comfort and bliss”, lies the reality that marriage isn’t always a smooth journey.
It is a testament to their own unwavering faith, human experiences, sacrifices, adjustments, and an emotional journey where couples navigate the complexities of their connections till death does them part.

In this beautiful YET delicate dance of marital connections, the first dwindling often happens with communication breakdowns, the subtle echoes of unspoken words resonating through their shared spaces. Stopping to communicate I guess is THE BIGGEST mistake a couple often makes.

Surah Nisa Ayah 24: Allah swt says, As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first).

It’s important to prepare that while challenges do exist, many couples just like the above, navigate them successfully and grow stronger through the process. Open communication from both sides, mutual respect, and a willingness to work through difficulties are key elements in building a resilient and fulfilling marriage.

In the final notes of this emotional symphony, the adage that “marriage isn’t always a bed of roses” serves not as a forewarning BUT as a poetic invitation.
It invites couples to explore the emotional depths of their connection, to brave the storms, and to relish the sunlight that lights up the petals.

Roses are commonly associated with beauty, love, and romance. In the context of marriage, roses symbolize the positive and enjoyable aspects of the relationship. They represent moments of joy, love, and the overall beauty that comes with the union of two individuals.

Thorns, on the other hand, represent the challenges and difficulties that can be encountered in a marriage. They symbolize the inevitable conflicts, disagreements, and hardships that couples may face along their journey. The thorns remind us that, like any significant undertaking, marriage requires effort, compromise, and resilience, my dear sisters.

The thorns, gentle reminders of life’s sorrowful moments, do not diminish the beauty of the metaphorical rose; rather, they enrich its beauty.

In essence, the metaphor of a “bed of roses” encapsulates the idea that marriage is a complex and multifaceted experience. It includes moments of joy and love (roses) as well as challenges and difficulties (thorns). Embracing both aspects is crucial for a couple to navigate the complexities of married life successfully.
In the journey of shared experiences, couples find that their emotional journey transforms the metaphorical rose into a resilient bloom, radiant with the hues of shared tears, laughter, and enduring love.

A Duwa to all of us reading:

رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا
“Our Lord! Bless us with ˹pious˺ spouses and offspring who will be the joy of our hearts, and make us models for the righteous.” (Al-Furqan Ayah 74)

I pray Allah swt grants the above couple tranquility, love, and kindness and reunites them in Jannatul Firdose, In sha Allah.

Concluding remarks: As mentioned earlier, when I read her letter, many things she stated sure did echo in some way and I’m sure you too can resonate with her.
Awaiting to hear YOUR experiences, responses, comments, and advice on the above post!
Comment below! Feel free to share the post and tag back to this original post.

Until next time,
واليكم أسلم و رحمتله بركاته